And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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