You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
