My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
