Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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