now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
