Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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