she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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