I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
