hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Randomize
