I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
