escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
