I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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