I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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