So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The air was thick with penises
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
