he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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