I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize