i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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