That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
