She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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