Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
