um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
