I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
