actually, I'm a sock model
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
