this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
