If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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