we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
