brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
