Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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