Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
