youre lurking in front of me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
