if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
