the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Randomize
