Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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