why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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