he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
