I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize