at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
either way he was missing a nipple.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
