I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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