Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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