I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Of course I have a pirate flag
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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