Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
