I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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