Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
