Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
