Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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