I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
