I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
