my soul wont recognize me after tonight
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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