Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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