Kiss
Puke
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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