Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
