I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
