Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
