Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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