I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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