how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
