ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
They have beer where we have blood.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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