Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
