I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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