Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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