like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
