You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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