i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
