even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
