i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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