You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
