Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
