i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
