jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Randomize
