We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
