so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
