What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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