dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
