took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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