I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
