You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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