It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
