just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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