Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
