I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
