I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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