Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize