I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ketchup is God's man juice
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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