I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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