I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
