I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
