the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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