Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
