Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize