I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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