i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
