I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
