she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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