you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
