I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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