I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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