Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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