dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
