tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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