I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We had to coat check the pizza.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
