elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
