So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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