i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize