I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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