I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
