Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
