Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Operation Purity has been aborted
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
