my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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