I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i out mim tonsoeep
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