So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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