I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
