I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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