you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
