The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
