i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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