I wish I only lived at night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
