he wants to bone in the snuggie
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
