i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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